Precious Pear #9
Do you know where you are, Alex?
“I’m on the fourteenth floor. My building has fourteen floors. I live on ten.”
Do you understand what we’re about to do?
“On the way up I only stop on even floors. If it stops on an odd floor I walk back to the lobby and start over. On the way down I don’t stop at all. On Tuesdays I take the stairs.”
Alex, I need you to tell me what you remember about last Thursday night.
She was pretty. I liked her jewelry
One watch, black leather strap.
Two earrings, pearl and white gold.
One necklace, a string of eighty six white beads.
Eighty six is good. Eight is even. Six is even. Eight and six together are even. Eight minus six would be even.
Alex? Alex. Are you listening to me? I asked if you remember what you were doing last Thursday night.
Eighty six beads, but only one seashell in the middle.
What exactly is a seashell? If it came from the ocean, could you still technically call it a seashell? Did they all used to be a home for something? I bet they did. But were they shed like a snake’s skin? Or did the animal just die and gradually rot away, leaving the shell behind? Put that way, the necklace was a little more beautiful. I wonder if she knows she’s wearing the only physical proof that some animal ever existed.
“Your necklace used to have a life.”
Alex, you’re not paying attention to me. I need you to answer.
Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe…
I learned to repeat this when I needed to focus.
“I made dinner last Thursday. Chicken alfredo with green peas and garlic bread.”
What did you do after that?
…beware the jabberwock my son the jaws that bite the claws that catch beware the jubjub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch…
I should have learned something more normal sounding. I wonder if Lewis Carroll ever had to answer these questions. I wonder if he ever actually saw a Jubjub bird or if he knew it was made up. I could make up an animal. I’d call it an Akdor. No, I like words with “x” in them. Not many animals have an “x” in the name. Axdor. That’s better.
Stop.
“I watched a movie on TV. Braveheart. For thirty four minutes, then the commercials were too loud so I turned it off and went to bed.”
And after that?
…he took his vorpal sword in hand long time the manxome foe he sought…
“I was woken up and taken here. I’ve been here for ninety-three hours.”
Do you remember ever talking to your neighbor, Mrs. Patel?
…so rested he by the tumtum tree and stood awhile in thought…
“No.”
Thank you, Alex.
**************************************************************************
San Francisco Chronicle
July 9, 2006
Local Woman Found Murdered in Apartment
The body of Vaishali Patel, 84, was discovered in her home Friday morning by local authorities. Cause of death was multiple stab wounds with post-mortem decapitation. Neighbor Alex Thomas, 27, has been arrested for the crime and is undergoing psychiatric evaluation. Thomas was recently released from Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute after a state-ordered stay following a February 10th assault against a family member. There are no further details at this time.
**************************************************************************
One, two! One, two!
And through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack.
He left it dead, and with its head he went galumphing back.
“I’m on the fourteenth floor. My building has fourteen floors. I live on ten.”
Do you understand what we’re about to do?
“On the way up I only stop on even floors. If it stops on an odd floor I walk back to the lobby and start over. On the way down I don’t stop at all. On Tuesdays I take the stairs.”
Alex, I need you to tell me what you remember about last Thursday night.
She was pretty. I liked her jewelry
One watch, black leather strap.
Two earrings, pearl and white gold.
One necklace, a string of eighty six white beads.
Eighty six is good. Eight is even. Six is even. Eight and six together are even. Eight minus six would be even.
Alex? Alex. Are you listening to me? I asked if you remember what you were doing last Thursday night.
Eighty six beads, but only one seashell in the middle.
What exactly is a seashell? If it came from the ocean, could you still technically call it a seashell? Did they all used to be a home for something? I bet they did. But were they shed like a snake’s skin? Or did the animal just die and gradually rot away, leaving the shell behind? Put that way, the necklace was a little more beautiful. I wonder if she knows she’s wearing the only physical proof that some animal ever existed.
“Your necklace used to have a life.”
Alex, you’re not paying attention to me. I need you to answer.
Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe…
I learned to repeat this when I needed to focus.
“I made dinner last Thursday. Chicken alfredo with green peas and garlic bread.”
What did you do after that?
…beware the jabberwock my son the jaws that bite the claws that catch beware the jubjub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch…
I should have learned something more normal sounding. I wonder if Lewis Carroll ever had to answer these questions. I wonder if he ever actually saw a Jubjub bird or if he knew it was made up. I could make up an animal. I’d call it an Akdor. No, I like words with “x” in them. Not many animals have an “x” in the name. Axdor. That’s better.
Stop.
“I watched a movie on TV. Braveheart. For thirty four minutes, then the commercials were too loud so I turned it off and went to bed.”
And after that?
…he took his vorpal sword in hand long time the manxome foe he sought…
“I was woken up and taken here. I’ve been here for ninety-three hours.”
Do you remember ever talking to your neighbor, Mrs. Patel?
…so rested he by the tumtum tree and stood awhile in thought…
“No.”
Thank you, Alex.
**************************************************************************
San Francisco Chronicle
July 9, 2006
Local Woman Found Murdered in Apartment
The body of Vaishali Patel, 84, was discovered in her home Friday morning by local authorities. Cause of death was multiple stab wounds with post-mortem decapitation. Neighbor Alex Thomas, 27, has been arrested for the crime and is undergoing psychiatric evaluation. Thomas was recently released from Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute after a state-ordered stay following a February 10th assault against a family member. There are no further details at this time.
**************************************************************************
One, two! One, two!
And through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack.
He left it dead, and with its head he went galumphing back.
posted by Anonymous at 4:33 PM
2 Comments:
Smart. I think this story is really smart. Nice job!
I kid you not. This is the second week in the row that you basically "took" my idea! I suppose great minds think alike is appropriate here. Tehehe, GRRRR!
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