Thursday, July 20, 2006

Precious Pear #12

When she was fourteen, she became the island’s youngest kumu hula. When she was thirty-seven, she became the youngest widow. She always said Papa was her twin soul. Mom was full of overly-poetic sayings like that. Whether she actually believed them or just liked the way they sounded, I never knew. I was only in grade school when it happened, but I still remember the endless stream of “I’m so sorry” fruit plates and “we’re here for you” haupia . The accident must have been pretty damn terrible because to this day nobody will describe it to us. If Mom lost her faith after that, nobody blamed her.

August 14, 1963: I saw him fore dem took away yesterday and saw da blood flow back inta da ground dat gave him up. I could see da minit his eyes changed and da beauty dat bilong him passed to da world he was meant fo. Dat nait da skies cried fo da beauty it lost afore it should. Cain’t pretend I wen wish had come later, but I ain’t in no hurry, cuz I know we go hui in da next world and us bein on earth just da first day in all da years comin.

It felt like the water was closing in all around me- I had to get out. I applied to nearly every college in the States and chose the one that sounded least familiar. I promised her I’d come back when I was done, but I never did. Neither did my little brother when he followed me three years later. I don’t think she ever forgave us for that. She was always so damn stubborn. Wouldn’t even move to New Hampshire to live with her daughter and only grandchildren. Instead she only saw them once a year, if she was lucky. Had to stay at “home”. How can you call something a home with no family around you?

January 5, 1974: Sapos you go an drop a bunch o seeds in da ocean at da same time; dem no gat stay wantaim fo da end. Dis ocean it got diff’ren plans for dem all. Some sindaun top, some fall. Da currents go an push an pull em to diff’ren pieces of earth. Fo sho it breaks my heart fo da yangpela ta never know me as yo kin should, but it no can be any way but. I got da Wailua in my veins and da Pu'u-ka'ala in my lungs. No can sooner leave dis island den walk outta my own skin. Ho, if I was ta fall any place but dis place, da good Lord might no figure where ta look.

Sometime after we all moved away, she must have stopped caring. Spent all her time laying out on the beach, smoking those disgusting cigarettes again. We all thought she’d eventually remarry, but as far as I know, she never even went on another date with a man after Papa. It was sad to watch really, knowing that she spent the rest of her life wishing she had been taken, too. If she wasn’t so lazy, I would have worried she’d do something foolish to end it all.

October 2, 1983: Yu see days and months and years pass by ya and yu start gettin tired of dat safe way about people. Yu begin an do what it is yu want ta do… what yu shouldha been doin all along. Ain’t no reason ta hold on ta dis body- ain’t what yu take with. Not my spirit that be smoking, and t’aint nogat wrong widdit. We all come an go wit da same, no matter what we do here, oh yeah no? Real love, dat be what happens in da forever. But dat don’t mean yu got to ignore samting else while yu here. I know he’ll be forgivin me for it and I’ll lettim have his forty years dancin wit angels 'fore me.

Bad habits and inactivity aside, I still thought we’d have her for awhile longer. Actually, I was convinced that in a few years, when she finally started feeling her age, we’d finally convince her to move into a home here where we could watch over her. Sometimes I wonder if it surprised her, too. Or maybe she spent the last couple years fearing that the end was just around the corner. It’s that kind of stuff that makes me terrified of growing old, like maybe a quick death in the middle of life is the way to go. That way you never have to worry about it.

July 16, 2006: I feel it creepin on in. Not da kine sad heaviness dat way yu hear tell. Mo like a light air fillin up my bones so dat each morning I wake a little closer to Heven til one day I git ta be more of dat next world den dis. Nothing yu can do about it wen yu pau, so no reason to be happy no be sad. Just gonna happen.

She didn’t even want a funeral. Only wanted to be burned and spread out on the beach as soon as possible. We couldn’t make it out there with such short notice, so the money was wired to us. The only other thing she left to anyone was a box she had mailed to me. Nothing but some old records, a photo album, and her journal. Probably full of how much she hated us for leaving her alone and how miserable she was without Papa around.

Some people just give up too soon.

1 Comments:

Blogger Marie Ann said...

This is some pretty damn good pidgin. Very impressive. This had to take you forever to "translate."

1:34 AM  

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