Cheery Cantaloupe #1
I'm still not sure exactly what made me say yes. Perhaps I'm an idiot, maybe I want to die, or perhaps I had a moment of temporary insanity...either way, I said 'Yes' when my boyfriend asked me if I wanted the chance to go white water rafting for free. A few of his friends had paid and backed out, so me and his father; (a RATHER large man, might I add), filled in the missing spaces.
So, we have this long arse drive ahead of us, not to mention this drive just happens to be at 6:00 in the A.M. (!!!!) and most of us are half-awake staring at the trees flying past in the window. That's because there's not much else to look at on our way out to whothehellknowswhere georgia. As we come up with about 10 minutes to, we pass a construction site with a port-a-potty spray-painted with one of the most truthful and deep phrases I think I may ever come across, especially at that time of the morning...in squished, black letters, barely fitting on the door: 'SHIT HAPPENS.' I think that pretty much sums up the whole world, in a nutshell...
Back to the trip, we arrive somewhere in between the buttcrack and the butthole of dawn, learn some safety precautions, and are on our way to the water; the men carrying the raft over their heads, me, stumbling along with all the oars. I am obviously too short and much too weak to be here. Once we get in the water, we meet our guide, who is one with the earth, if you know what I'm getting at. Our friend chris puts his smokes and other 'neccessities' in a water-proof bag, and when asked what it contains, he sarcastically remarks, "some smokes, chew, crack, doobage... you know." [remember this kids, its important].
Pretty soon we're learning and having a good time, my goal being to stay in the boat, so far so good. My boyfriend and his dad each take each other out one time, and we break for lunch. Potty time in the trees, which is not my favorite, because I have a bladder the size of a piece of pocket lint. No matter. Our guide had decided to 'get creative' with his lunch, since they eat the same offerings everyday...so he makes a pita full of peanut butter and all the mnms... we learned about sharing that day.
At night we sit by the fire, have some din-din and some laughs, and my boyfriend's father goes to bed. Slyly, our leader takes my boyfriend aside and asks him if he'd like some 'doobage.' He declines, and I still think doobage is the silliest word ever. Besides maybe beaver, but that's a whole nother story in and of itself...mooooving a long.
Next day is a whole new day, new leader for higher waters (it rained a buttload the night before.) I just want to let you know at this time that the leader sits on the back of the raft, my boyfriend and chris on one side, and me and the dad on the other side. Our weights DO NOT even out. So our side of the boat is always on the verge of suicide.
So we're holding on for dear life (by "we" I mean ME) over each and every rapid, paddling our little hearts out, and learning all about nature and the kind of power that water really has, especially when it is going over rocks and deep crevices. Anyway, my boyfriend is busy trying to get everything in picture form, while the rest of us are...ahem...paddling!!! And when we go over this huge fall my side of the raft turns, runs over a huge rock (ouch! my arse!!!) which pops me up like a pop-corn kernel and I, like the linebacker I am destined to be, take out Chris with me. I am gurgling freezing water with paddle still in hand, FREAK OUT TIME! If I don't get back in the boat quickly I could get pulled in! F*** the paddle! Im climbing the slippery sides, reaching for arms, when in all reality, I am beaming lazers at my boyfriend's dad for being a lump. I love that lump, just not when it threatens my life!
So we finish the day, everyone is burned and beautiful, we have learned about nature and ourselves. We have also learned a little bit about proportions in the boat, and how that equates to small people being tossed out like trash that they are, but hey, trash needs love too. Someone might think I'm treasure over here, huh!
So even though the one thing I was terrified of, did indeed happen, I was kind of glad in the end, because I made it through it, and it made me realize that its not the end of the world if you fall out of a raft, off a bike, or get in a car-wreck........puff puff pass?
So, we have this long arse drive ahead of us, not to mention this drive just happens to be at 6:00 in the A.M. (!!!!) and most of us are half-awake staring at the trees flying past in the window. That's because there's not much else to look at on our way out to whothehellknowswhere georgia. As we come up with about 10 minutes to, we pass a construction site with a port-a-potty spray-painted with one of the most truthful and deep phrases I think I may ever come across, especially at that time of the morning...in squished, black letters, barely fitting on the door: 'SHIT HAPPENS.' I think that pretty much sums up the whole world, in a nutshell...
Back to the trip, we arrive somewhere in between the buttcrack and the butthole of dawn, learn some safety precautions, and are on our way to the water; the men carrying the raft over their heads, me, stumbling along with all the oars. I am obviously too short and much too weak to be here. Once we get in the water, we meet our guide, who is one with the earth, if you know what I'm getting at. Our friend chris puts his smokes and other 'neccessities' in a water-proof bag, and when asked what it contains, he sarcastically remarks, "some smokes, chew, crack, doobage... you know." [remember this kids, its important].
Pretty soon we're learning and having a good time, my goal being to stay in the boat, so far so good. My boyfriend and his dad each take each other out one time, and we break for lunch. Potty time in the trees, which is not my favorite, because I have a bladder the size of a piece of pocket lint. No matter. Our guide had decided to 'get creative' with his lunch, since they eat the same offerings everyday...so he makes a pita full of peanut butter and all the mnms... we learned about sharing that day.
At night we sit by the fire, have some din-din and some laughs, and my boyfriend's father goes to bed. Slyly, our leader takes my boyfriend aside and asks him if he'd like some 'doobage.' He declines, and I still think doobage is the silliest word ever. Besides maybe beaver, but that's a whole nother story in and of itself...mooooving a long.
Next day is a whole new day, new leader for higher waters (it rained a buttload the night before.) I just want to let you know at this time that the leader sits on the back of the raft, my boyfriend and chris on one side, and me and the dad on the other side. Our weights DO NOT even out. So our side of the boat is always on the verge of suicide.
So we're holding on for dear life (by "we" I mean ME) over each and every rapid, paddling our little hearts out, and learning all about nature and the kind of power that water really has, especially when it is going over rocks and deep crevices. Anyway, my boyfriend is busy trying to get everything in picture form, while the rest of us are...ahem...paddling!!! And when we go over this huge fall my side of the raft turns, runs over a huge rock (ouch! my arse!!!) which pops me up like a pop-corn kernel and I, like the linebacker I am destined to be, take out Chris with me. I am gurgling freezing water with paddle still in hand, FREAK OUT TIME! If I don't get back in the boat quickly I could get pulled in! F*** the paddle! Im climbing the slippery sides, reaching for arms, when in all reality, I am beaming lazers at my boyfriend's dad for being a lump. I love that lump, just not when it threatens my life!
So we finish the day, everyone is burned and beautiful, we have learned about nature and ourselves. We have also learned a little bit about proportions in the boat, and how that equates to small people being tossed out like trash that they are, but hey, trash needs love too. Someone might think I'm treasure over here, huh!
So even though the one thing I was terrified of, did indeed happen, I was kind of glad in the end, because I made it through it, and it made me realize that its not the end of the world if you fall out of a raft, off a bike, or get in a car-wreck........puff puff pass?
posted by Anonymous at 7:33 PM
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